Sunday, October 30, 2005

fat babies have no pride

those of you who dabble in the hip-country scene will undoubtedly recognize this as a filler track from lyle lovett's "i love everybody" album, which really should have been called, "i love everybody, but i don't even like myself." but beyond the self-loathing and mezmerizing finger picking, i think mr. lovett may have been onto something with this pronouncement. fat babies, or ugly babies, or poor babies, etc. really don't enter this world with the same sense of privilege that baby gap and baby-with-nike's-that-he-will-outgrow-in-two-weeks do. they don't expect anything to be given to them without a great deal of work. i suspect they even doubt their mother's love, just a little.

i spent a lot of time around babies this weekend. my favorite of the bunch by far, however, was neither fat/ugly/poor, nor was he suckling a silver spoon. he was a happy, squirmy, sleepy little bundle of life with two lovingly level-headed parents who will do everything they can to ensure his full potential is unleashed on this world. i guess this will allow me to sleep well tonight...definitely better than his parents.

being a 28-year-old guy with a beautiful 27-year-old bride of 5+ years, all this time around babies is no small matter. we have been fortunate enough to have experienced almost no pressure so far from friends/family to create cory and kara minis, but it is obviously a frequent topic of conversation. (actually, jon has been pressuring us to reproduce since our wedding reception, but i'll just chalk that up to job security.) is our decision to delay childbearing thus far an act of selfish ambition? or perhaps fear? or laziness!?! i don't think so. i honestly think it was an issue of readiness. now any parents out there, please save your, "you're never really ready until it happens to you" rebuttals. i understand that i can't and won't understand what parenting is all about until we bring the squirmy little bundle home from the hospital. what i am talking about is a readiness to say, "my life is not my own." not even my redeemed life in Christ is just for me to enjoy. no, readiness is being able to say with some degree of confidence, "i will do whatever is required of me to make a place for a new life in the world."

what strikes me most about this idea, is that no matter if you are dobson devotee, an emerging, sojourning, don miller reader, or a hymn-loving mainliner, no matter what corner of christendom you find yourself in, this idea applies to you. it just isn't about me (which is a funny idea to post on a blog).

i have come to the firm conclusion that i don't like the sierra nevadas, the pacific ocean, or the dakota grasslands because they are beautiful. no, i love them because they are great and i am small. and every towering peak, every whitecap, every endless, waving prairie reminds me of that fact again and again, until they are satisfied that i understand them, and then again until i accept their truth. to GOD, i imagine i look much like a baby...probably a baby gap. swaddled in image and accomplishments and pride, but underneath it all, utterly helpless and undeserving.

1 comment:

Jon said...

I just want you two to be happy and I hear babies are wonderful so my real wish for you two is twins. I am a good friend like that.