Friday, December 16, 2005
the wonder years
i don't cry. i haven't cried in a long, long time. i may have even adapted an overdeveloped sense of humor in some strange darwinian twist to compensate. i crack jokes under my breath at funerals (which reminds me of a song...). i am not proud of this trait. this is really more of a confession than anything else.
but there are days...and there are moments when i am overcome with emotion. i talk openly and often about these moments in the hopes that someone will someday say, "yeah, me too!" and then explain exactly why these moments hit me like they do.
like the wonder years. that darn show gets me every single time i watch it. i'm not kidding. i'm usually fine right up until grown-up kevin's voice over at the end, explaining what he learned from the bully in the hallway, or the loyalty of his friend paul, or his latest and most devastating break up with winnie...ahhh...winnie.
i used to go home for lunch just to catch the last 10 minutes of the show. was this some sort of sadistic act of self tear-jerkery? or maybe a hope for an emotional catharsis that i seem to be able to achieve no other way. i mean the blue screen ramblings of doogie howser m.d. do nothing to me. i actually find myself desiring to delete his hard drive. what gives?
but it's not just the wonder years. the other occasion that draws deeply from my emotional well is watching really meek, humble (and usually dorky) kids get picked on, pushed around, or worse yet, totally ignored as the rest of us go about our lives. i seem to have some sort of supernatural sympathy for these neglected souls, and again, i may even shed a tear. i'm actually quite thankful for this part of me, because there is clear and simple action that i can take. i can love those people. i can talk to those people. i can let them know that they are eternally valuable to God...and to me.
and then there's today. once every other blue moon, i have a day where everything brings me to emotional overflow. i can't explain it, but it's sort of refreshing. i mean, i sometimes wonder if my heart has gone the way of the grinch. but then days like today come along, and i feel deeply again. don't get me wrong, i don't think i could function like this every day, but it is nice to be reminded of my humanity from time to time.
well, i'd best be going now. i have to teach my students how to prevent another great depression.
Posted by cory at 8:25 AM